WHY & HOW TO BE INDEPENDENT

|INDEPENDENCE|

Not surprisingly, in my first blog we’re going to discuss independence and why it is a crucial characteristic to have. I have found myself dependent on many things that have failed me in the past. The moment I found true independence was not in a blissful state of mind, but in a lonely dark stage of my life where I truly lost myself.

Pretty much every girl experiences heartbreaks, either from a boyfriend, crush, best friend, family member, or even a stranger. Not my first, but my biggest heartbreak came from a friend. I put all my dependence on that one friend and felt secure with him. Once he had gotten into a relationship, he had ended his friendship with me for reasons that will never justify his right to do so. That is when I completely lost myself because I lost my sense of security and togetherness. Since I had put all my trust and dependence on an imperfect person who ended up failing, I failed myself above all because I wasn’t Independent.

Being independent doesn’t mean it’s a numbing remedy to hide away the hurt because that’s not what it’s for. Independence may not take away the hurt, but no one will ever be able to make you lose your security. Losing yourself means losing your sense of independence, which means you need to find yourself and get your independence back (even if you never experienced it).

Here are ways I got myself back on track after losing my sense of worth and stages you will experience along the way:

|SELF-LOVE|

Self-love is a crucial aspect for every individual to have in order to be able to love. I learned to finally love myself and have self-compassion through telling myself phrases like, “I am beautiful, worthy, and smart”, “I am loved by God”, “I AM love”, and declaring, “You are strong and you are precious” in front of the mirror everyday before I left for school. Sounds cheesy and ineffective, but it worked because starting your day off with a positive message is the first step into believing those messages for yourself. And reminding yourself and your brain everyday will become a habit and allow your brain to accept the truth you declare.

|LONELINESS|

People may think loneliness is a bad thing, but it can also be a blessing for you to get to know yourself more. We find our independence from within through being alone and through times of vulnerability. In those times of loneliness, you may feel hurt, abandonment, heartbreak, and fear, but embracing loneliness is a sign of strength and growth because those are the first steps into learning true independence.

While all my friends were in relationships, I was not, and being able to resist the temptations, and choosing to be single was not only strong, but was wise because in my state of loneliness and abandonment, the last thing for me to do was to get into another relationship. Better yet, with someone I was not ready to depend on since I was still not independent or myself!

|SELF-DETERMINATION|

Find a dream or something you determine yourself to accomplish in the next year. When you find yourself chasing after a dream or devoting yourself to something you want, that not only shows that you love yourself to be gifted with a reward, but that you feel you can accomplish something alone and that my friend, is one of the greatest faces of independence.

For now, that’s all I will say because you will learn a lot just by these three stages of life. It will take time, but that’s what patience is all about. Till next time, stay updated on more blogs regarding true independence.  

And don’t forget to stay strong and to keep going.